Year's End

I go through this every year. Do I make New Year's resolutions or not? Everyone else that I seem to know manages to do pretty well. A couple of friends have even managed to accomplish 365 day challenges. I don't typically make any resolutions. I know myself too well. I'm pretty good for a month (week) or so, then I get busy for a couple of days and forget. Then I start making excuses. I'm tired. I'm busy. My head hurts. Monday is a better day to start back. The first of the month is a better day. Before I know it, it's May and I'm still forty pounds overweight, unorganized, and even more depressed. Why even bother? Which, in and of itself, is a depressing statement. So, I decided to look back over the bucket list and see just what I did accomplish in 2013.

• I started this blog.
• Went whitewater rafting
• Started the cathedral window quilt
• Am chipping away at the debt free thing
• I have a hula hoop - made it myself. Actually made several.
• I'm halfway to my 50th wedding anniversary.
• Have planned out the home office

I even managed to do some things not on the list

• Travel with The Parents
• Gain another teaching certificate
• Send out New Year's Eve cards

Did I change the world? No. Did I move mountains? Probably not. Did I become rich and famous? Ha! But I don't think I wasted the year either. Maybe that's what resolutions are really all about. Not what a crappy person you are for not being able to keep them but what a real person you are for not wanting your year to be wasted time. So, in honor of that, knowing full well that the year will be made up of pitfalls and speed bumps, here are my goals for 2014.

• I will pray every day. For the next 365 days, either on paper or verbally, I will spend time talking with the Creator of the universe, even if it is only one sentence. He deserves at least that much of me.
• I will drink nothing but water (or Gatorade, for medical reasons) this year. No tea, Dr. Pepper, coffee, etc. Just water.
• I will read at least one book of the Bible per month, beginning with Psalms in January. Our pastor has issued the challenge to read the book of Psalms in 31 days. I'm going to try to beat this challenge.

That's it. Those are my goals. Oh, I'm going to try to exercise, eat right, and check some more stuff off the bucket list, but these three are the ones for which I'm going to ask people to help hold me accountable. Check back December 31, 2014. We'll see how it goes. 

Saying Goodbye

A mentor, teacher, hero, and friend. One of the strongest Christians and humblest men I have ever had the privilege and honor of knowing. My heart hurts but my soul rejoices.

Until we meet again, Mr. Smith...

http://www.presentationportal.jslu.org/JSL/Smith_Lanier.html

25 To Life

The Hubby and I have accomplished something that it seems fewer and fewer couples manage these days. We have reached our 25th wedding anniversary. Yep, on November 19, 1988, we stood in a small town church before God, friends, and family and pledged to love one another for the rest of our lives. I do believe that not one person there thought we would survive the first year. I won't say it has be easy. Being married is the second hardest job one can ever take on. There are days where we honestly do not even like one another. But I cannot even begin to fathom what life would be like without this man by my side. So, not to make light of the past years, (and this is certainly not an exhaustive list) here are twenty-five reasons, in no particular order, that I am looking forward to our 50th!

1. He seeks God in all things. While He may not always give us what we ask for, He has led us down some pretty amazing paths and I look forward to seeing what comes next.
2. He loves me. Not an easy job. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I know it and I cannot express just how blessed I am that he continues to love me each and every day.
3. He promised to never bring up the D-word, no matter how bad life gets. It's the reason that I'm able to write this.
4. He makes a better mom than I do. We probably would have starved a long time ago, or at least suffocated under the mountains of laundry...
5. February 23, 1987
6. July 21, 1993
7. March 2, 1996
8. He is a fantastic provider for our family. His work ethic sometimes clashes with my need to have him in my line of sight, but I do appreciate his willingness to bring home the bacon. And to cook it.
9. He loves our family. Each one of our children is a "Daddy's Girl" and they know it. Might as well prepare now for the matching chicken tattoos. They're coming.
10. He is willing to deal with my neurotic issues. And my emotional issues. And my health issues. And my...
11. He loves Max the Wonderdog and The Stupid Cat Thing, no matter what he says. He's loved all the pets, even the weird ones.
12. He and I have vastly different love languages. I guess opposites really do attract.
13. He can't be still. If he could, our house would probably never be completely clean.
14. He takes care of his parents. They depend on him almost as much as I do. I'm glad he's there for them.
15. He tells the children that they will always have a room at home. It may the Harry Potter room under the stairs, but they will have one.
16. He takes care of me when I am sick. Which sometimes seems like more often than not.
17. He will go places with me. Even if it is just around the block. Just to keep me from going stir-crazy.
18. He doesn't insist on going everywhere with me. Thank Heaven.
19. He is willing to try new things. More often than I, most of the time.
20. He tolerates my lists. Even the invisible ones in my head.
21. He gets me chocolate even though I am not supposed to have it. And he doesn't fuss at me for it. Too much.
22. He think I still look 20. I think his prescription is way off, but that's just me.
23. He doesn't mind keeping my feet warm at night. Even when I'm threatening to smother him with his own pillow, he's still willing to take care of me.
24. He's stuck around for 25 years. Through all the ups and downs, backwards and forwards, it's been a wonderful, insane journey. I have become a better person because of him and could not imagine this life without him.
25. He is looking forward to another 25. And another. And another. And another. And...

Happy Anniversary!

What Month Is It?

Wow. November. So much has happened and time has just gotten away from me. Marching band season is almost finished (Thank God) and The Cinderella is out looking for a job. It seems she is home less often than The Free Spirit. Halloween is over. I could have written a book on that. This month is NaNoWriMo. I'm not writing a book for that (although there are several spinning around in my head). Forty-eight days until Christmas and I've bought eight gifts. The pressure is beginning to mount. But I'm not worried.

What has caught my attention is, that every time I open a social media network, such as Facebook, I see an "Day XX - I'm thankful for..." post. It's driving me crazy.

Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful for all those things, too. I'm just not wired to limit them to one day at a time and, since I tend to get a bit wordy, there is not enough room on a Facebook post to elaborate on the WHY I am thankful for those things. I would get cut off in the middle of a sentence. Then I would have to go postal on Mark Zukerberg, et.al. So I am going to take this opportunity to get the whole month of thanks over with at once. Enjoy.

Day 1 - I am thankful for a God who loves me enough to sacrifice himself in order to have a relationship with me, and who asks nothing of me except that I love others to that level.

Day 2 - I am thankful for The Hubby who has put up with me and my shenanigans for so long. Here's to the next 75!

Day 3 - I am thankful for The Eldest and her husband. They are reminding The Hubby and me what it was like when we first started on this journey called marriage. It has been both a bittersweet and a joyful trip.

Day 4 - I am thankful for The Free Spirit. She has taught me so many lessons on letting go and has done so with grace and beauty.

Day 5 - I am thankful for The Cinderella. She keeps me young. She is the last. She is the light at the end of the tunnel. The Hubby and I are so looking forward to doing "The No Kid Dance."

Day 6 - I am thankful for The Parents. They raised me. I am who I am, the good, the bad and the ugly, because of what they did (or at least tried to do). They did their best. I don't blame them for anything.

Day 7 - I am thankful for my sisters. All 3 of them. And my brothers-in-law who have put up with them and the rest of the insanity that is our family. Especially during the holidays.

Day 8 - I am thankful for Niece #1 who reminds me that becoming a young lady is not the easiest job in the world. Especially when you think you have to do it by yourself.

Day 9 - I am thankful for Niece #2 who never stops talking even when she is throwing up in the car. What I would give for just a fraction of that amount of energy.

Day 10 - I am thankful for The Nephew and his incredible imagination. He inspires me. The Coconut Dance will one day win awards.

Day 11 - I am thankful for The In-Laws. They raised The Hubby to be a loving, Christ-seeking man who sacrifices daily for his family. I am blessed beyond measure for that.

Day 12 - I am thankful for The Brother and Sister-Out-Law. The relationship they share with The Hubby is a joy to see and I am grateful that they stay so closely connected.

Day 13 - I am thankful for SKE. She teaches us patience. Even when we want to snatch a knot in her head (as we say down south).

Day 14 - I am thankful for MEE. Even though I am not her favorite.

Day 15 - I am thankful for The Brother-That-Was. Although he has been gone for several years, the memories we have continue to bring us light and laughter.

Day 16 - I am thankful for my church and for the fact that I can openly worship God without fear of torture or death. It is a gift I do not take lightly.

Day 17 - I am thankful for my small group family, both past and present. They challenge me to grow both spiritually and emotionally. I have learned so much and continue to do so almost on a daily basis.

Day 18 - I am thankful for my friends. While the introvert in me recoils from the idea of a 2:30 am BFF, I do have a circle that I consider myself close to and could call on if I needed someone. I am blessed in that regard.

Day 19 - I am thankful for my health. Such that it is. At least I am on this side of the grass. And even if I were not, the alternative is going to be indescribable.

Day 20 - I am thankful for my job. I am employed in a stable work environment. I do not have to worry about unemployment and I am so very close to retiring young.

Day 21 - I am thankful for my home. It's messy. It needs work. It's for sale. But I have one.

Day 22 - I am thankful for my town. It's a small town with small town problems and idiosyncrasies. We have our share of Rednecks and Alabama fans (often the same people). But, for the most part, it's a quiet place to live and raise a family.

Day 23 - I am thankful for my country and for those who have given their lives to protect it. I have friends and family members in the military (past and present) and I have nothing but the utmost respect and honor for their service. There is no higher calling.

Day 24 - I am thankful for our system of government. While I do not always like the people in charge or agree with the laws and policies, I am grateful that we live in a system where we have the freedom to voice our discontent without fear, and where we have the opportunity to change our government should the need arise.

Day 25 - I am thankful for the time period that we live in. Every day brings new wonders. Even twenty years ago, I would not be instantly writing this and you would not be instantly reading it.

Day 26 - I am thankful for Max the Wonderdog and That Stupid Cat Thing. They are more than companions, they are family members and even when he takes up half of the bed, Max at least keeps my feet warm.

Day 27 - I am thankful for my students. They frustrate me. They irritate me. They make me want to tear my hair out. I learn from them each and every day and I would not trade that knowledge for anything.

Day 28 - I am thankful for my education. I love learning new things. I am a research junkie and could sit in a classroom all day. I have multiple degrees and yearn for the opportunity to get more. I know that having an education is a privilege and I am beyond blessed to have been afforded the chance.

Day 29 - I am thankful for my gifts and talents. God has seen fit to give me the gifts of faith and administration. He does have a sense of humor, doesn't he? I mean, what was he thinking, to hand a right-brained introvert jobs that require left-brained logic and the ability to step out without seeing what lies ahead? What a ride it has been!

Day 30 - Lastly, I am thankful for the chance to put all this down into something resembling coherence. Writing is a catharsis for me, an opportunity to get the pictures in the spaghetti-mess that is my brain into some sort of order. I never, ever take that for granted.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Name-calling and the Pictures in my Head

I have apparently offended The Eldest. Again.

It seems that when I began this random blog, the names that popped into my head for the members of my family were dead on accurate and pleasing to all but one person. Yep. My oldest child.

Granted, she is aware that, as a full-grown adult, this jealously is a bit childish, yet there it is. All of the other members of the family, including the dog, got cutesy descriptors and she got stuck with...The Eldest. She claims it reminds her of all of the times we introduced our children as a collective group. This is #3. She is eight and a black belt in Tae Kwan Do. This is #2. She is eleven and has X number of swimming medals. Oh, and this is #1, The Eldest. She clearly forgot the fact that we followed up with clarifications such as, "she is in two different bands and plays more instruments than we can count," and "she's in the sixth grade and just won an award for a dramatic monologue she wrote based on a character from To Kill a Mockingbird." Or how about "her sculpture is the only piece selected in the entire county to be displayed in a district art show and IT WON!" All she heard was, "The Eldest" and in her mind acquainted it with descriptors such as Harold the Bandy-Legged and William the Loon.

Needless to say, that was not the image in my head when I wrote that epithet for my first-born. As I characterize my children on these pages, certain pictures pop into my ever-changing brain waves. The Cinderella does not invoke a Disneyesque image of a poor pitiful child forced to scrub floors while singing arias to her pet mice or even the made-up doll in her twinkling ball gown on her way to happily ever after. Rather, the view in my head is of a two-year old, clunking around in a pair of mom's high heels and dad's t-shirt, pushing a doll stroller through the kitchen, singing the Barney theme song at the top of her little lungs.

The Free Spirit is not Tinkerbell or even a throwback to the Sixties, as badly as she would like to think she is. Her picture is always the one of pre-birth, when she had her days and nights mixed up. Just as I would lie down to sleep, she would decide to wake up and play. All night. Every night. She still does.

The Eldest has always been the go-between. She was 6 when the Free Spirit came along and 9 when Cinderella made her appearance. She was the leader, the teacher, the imparter of wisdom to her younger siblings. They have always looked up to her and have tried to follow her lead in most of their big decisions. They invariably take her side in any argument and when it is "gang up on Mom day" (which is pretty much every day), Mom never wins.

Now, I like to think that we have reached that stage where we are more than mother and daughter, that we have become friends. I depend on her a lot more than I used to. She is my interpreter, my sounding board, my encourager, and sometimes, my conscience. So, no, daughter, the image in my head is not Gandalf. More like Galadriel if you want something concrete, but way beyond that. I may, on these pages, name you The Eldest, but, you have always been and will always be my very best friend in the whole wide world.

Better than Chase and Meredith and Carly Acky.

Bones, a Wild Boar and a 25 Foot Chicken

Note: I've been trying to get this posted since July!

I don't normally get a vacation in the summer. Sure, I get a few days off from school when I'm not answering panicked emails about IEPs or schedules, but a full on, pack your bags, stop the mail, unplug the coffee pot, and lock the door behind you vacation, not very often. Since The Hubby is a medical administrator there are days he has to be on site. Add the on-call days where he has to stay close and his vacation window gets pretty narrow. Plus, the kids are all on different schedules, so coordinating anything with them is worse than trying to get worms to lie in a straight line. Needless to say, while everyone else gets to post pictures of the beach or the mountains and regale us with their adventures in line to see giant cartoon characters, I continue to battle the mosquitoes and weeds in my own backyard.

Occasionally, the beginning of the school calendar will fall just right and I can take advantage of the wondrous phenomenon known as The World's Longest Yard Sale. It always falls on the first Thursday-Sunday in August (which, coincidentally also happens to be around my birthday). Most years I am stuck in pre-planning (sometimes even the first days of school) and cannot attend this incredible event. This year I got a little bit lucky.

The sale begins in Gadsden, Alabama, goes up US Highway 127, and ends somewhere in Canada. My parents happen to live near a small portion of this route, so if I am only blessed with a one day attendance, I will usually travel this area. This time, I was lucky enough to get two days (had to be back in town on Saturday for senior band pictures), so The Cinderella, The Parents, and I packed up the camper and headed north.

(Rabbit Trail: Picture, if you will, four adult sized human beings in a small camper intended to house only two. Continue to picture those same four beings traveling approximately 400 miles in 48 hours, in intense traffic, with limited "facilities." It literally redefines the phrase "up close and personal.")

The trip is like nothing you can ever imagine. You have to experience it to really appreciate the grandeur and the eccentricity that this weekend brings to the forefront of the American psyche. Sure, there were the typical "one man's junk" items but there were also incredibly beautiful antiques and delightfully odd and eclectic works of art. Right next to the five dollar tub of children's books sat a stuffed and mounted wild boar. Across from a vintage 1969 Volkswagen Beetle was a pile of bones that I dearly hope came from some four-legged animal rather than from the two-legged variety. Down the road was a lady selling metal yard art including a giant chicken. It was wonderful.

However, it didn't really matter what oddities I saw. The best part of the entire trip was the fact that I got an entire uninterrupted 48 hours with The Parents.

I don't usually get that opportunity. With three sisters, their offspring, and my own family unit, time spent with my mom and dad is mostly loud and chaotic. Not that I don't deeply love my extended family. I do, very much. I just enjoy those brief, minute moments of peace and quiet even more.

That 48 hours was not filled with any deep, meaningful, solve-the-questions-of-the-universe conversation. We didn't make any future plans on who gets what heirloom nor were there any disclosures on where the secret treasure was buried. Most of the comments were limited to, "You have to speak up when you want your Daddy to stop," "I really need a shower," and "No, you can't buy the 25-foot chicken." But, it was the best time we've had in a long time and I, for one, am incredibly thankful.

I suppose that is what God feels like when he gets our undivided attention for any length of time. When we set aside our schedules and just focus on him. We don't need to spend every day trying to solve problems or answer the deep questions of the universe. We just need to pay attention the Creator of the universe. That's worth way more than any giant metal chicken!

Can I have a big chicken?

 Please tell me they're not human?

Yep, it's real.

Are you my mummy?

I'm not even sure.

There are just no words.

And So It Begins...Again

There are approximately 500 students wandering the hallowed halls of LHS today. They resemble deer frozen in headlights, though not all for the same reasons. It's registration day for freshmen and seniors. The freshmen half are terrified to be in what is obviously strange territory, and the seniors are beginning to realize that this is the first of many lasts. It's a bittersweet feeling for the parents too, and you can see it on their faces just as you do the students. They realize the babies are growing up and getting ready to leave the nest.

My Cinderella is also a senior this year. It's the first of the last for The Hubby and I as well. When The Eldest graduated everyone told me I would cry. I did not. Nor did I when The Free Spirit walked across the stage and I was privileged to give her the diploma cover. (We pretend here in East Central Georgia. Diplomas are given out after the ceremony. That ensures that everyone gets the correct one without having to hold up the processional.) However, I do not know how I will react this time. I'm telling everyone that I am getting ready to do the "No Kid Dance" but the truth is, I'm a bit frightened.

I have no idea what this year will bring. The Cinderella is a self-proclaimed "high-maintenance drama princess." She is terrified of the coming year. She is focused on the wheres and hows of college but every so often it hits her that this is her last year of high school. Then the frozen deer look comes across her face and the tears well up. I never know what to say other than, "You will be fine." I know she will be. I'm just not sure I will.

The Hubby and I have never been just a couple. We started out with three.  This time next year, there will be just two (not counting The Wonderdog). The Cinderella is planning to move further than 30 minutes away. We won't be able to just run down and take her to the grocery store or out to dinner. I won't be with her at the doctor's office if she gets sick. I have to trust that she will be safe and healthy. All by herself.

That's what it comes down to. Trust. I have to trust that God will take care of The Cinderella throughout this coming year and when she does finally leave the nest. I do, but I suppose I need the reminders now and again. What I have a difficult time with is trusting that he will take care of me also. This is a transition year for me (and The Hubby) as well and I need to rely on my Abba Father more than ever. Maybe I'll cry. Maybe I'll dance. Maybe I'll do a bit of both. Either way, I'm trusting that this last will become the first of an incredible adventure for all of us.

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see.  

                                                                         -Hebrews 11:1 The Message